Most people who get into leadership positions never actually learn how to lead. They learn how to boss.
And there’s a massive difference…
A boss controls. A leader multiplies.
Hoard authority and you’ll be the bottleneck forever. Hand it out, and your team grows past you.
Pressure gets you results. Ownership gets you a business that runs without you.
After 29 years in business, building teams of over a thousand people, and building a portfolio doing over $100M in revenue…
I’ve distilled leadership down to 5 rules. Not theories. Not platitudes.
Rules learned the hard way…
Rule 1: Praise in Public, Correct in Private
Most managers have this completely backwards.
They’ll tell someone “good job” in a hallway but call out mistakes in front of the whole team. This is one of the fastest ways to tank performance.
I call it “seagull management.”
It’s when you’re never around, but when you do show up…
… you swoop in to sh*t all over everyone’s work before flying off to the next meeting.
This rule is simple:
If you’re going to criticize, close the door. If you’re going to praise, open the room.
Every time you feel the need to correct someone in a meeting, write it down instead.
Schedule the private follow-up within 48 hours.
Rule 2: Be the Lighthouse, Not the Tugboat
A tugboat burns enormous energy forcing ships in the right direction.
A lighthouse just stands there, calm, consistent, bright… and ships navigate toward it on their own.
You can’t drag people to better performance. You can only model it so that they’re pulled toward it.
I once had a client ask me why his team doesn’t follow his direction.
I told him: “You don’t listen to yourself. You’re not organized. You don’t follow your own advice. How can you reasonably expect anyone to follow you?”
His team wasn’t the problem. He was.
Write down the top three behaviours you wish your team had.
Score yourself honestly on each, 1–10. Anywhere below 7 is your work to do first.
Once a quarter, show your team how you actually operate—how you start your day, make hard decisions, recover from setbacks.
Transparency at the top creates permission below.
Rule 3: Train, Don’t Tell
The gap between what you expect and what your team delivers is almost always a training gap, not a talent one.
My test: for every frustration you have with your team’s performance, ask yourself where you trained them to do it differently.
If the answer is nowhere, you have no right to be disappointed.
One client I had complained his team never brought good ideas to meetings. I told him, “Show me where you trained them to come up with ideas.” He couldn’t….
Zero training. Zero surprise.
Pick the one task your team does most inconsistently.
Record yourself on Zoom doing it out loud, including the reasoning behind each decision. Upload it to Claude and turn it into an SOP.
You now have a training asset that lives forever.
Then make a frustration list. Every behaviour that drives you crazy. And next to each one, write whether you’ve actually trained them on it.
Anything you haven’t taught gets a training plan before it gets a complaint.
Rule 4: Delegate the Outcome, Not the Task
Most leaders delegate tasks because it feels safe.
You then become the bottleneck and your team becomes order-takers who stop thinking.
When I hand someone an outcome, I give them the finish line. Not the route.
They figure out the path. I stay out of the weeds.
Next time you’re about to assign a task, flip it to an outcome with a deadline.
Instead of “send five cold emails to prospects,” say “generate 10 qualified leads by Friday — use whatever channel you think is best.”
When you assign a task, you create a tenant.
But when you assign an outcome, you create an owner.
Renters don’t maintain the house the same way owners do.
Give an outcome to someone this week. Resist the urge to tell them how.
Rule 5: Default to Trust
Bosses withhold trust until it’s earned. Leaders extend it from day one.
When people feel trusted?
They move faster. Take more ownership. Make better decisions.
But when they feel monitored and mistrusted, they slow down.
They cover themselves and wait for permission.
I’m not saying let people run wild…
I’m saying give access first, then set up the guardrails.
On a new hire’s first week, give them full access to every system they need to do their job.
Then set up one lightweight check-in — a weekly 15-minute sync, a shared dashboard, or a simple end-of-week note.
Access first. Accountability second.
-DM